"it" just moved
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
