my vag is so smooth its legendary
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
