Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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