Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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