My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
