I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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