i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
