well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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