girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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