So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
