My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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