she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
