Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize