Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your cock deserves a montage
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
