you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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