were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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