I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
