this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
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