addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
