Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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