im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
