No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
