A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
