bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I smell stomach acid.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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