I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
