just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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