What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
