Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
