Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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