first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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