her vagine was all disorganized.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
