You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize