Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
