wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
