I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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