You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
