And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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