Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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