Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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