Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
