Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(559): View more from California

Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.

Fav 23 3528 1079
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.

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(713): View more from Texas

I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.

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(850): View more from Florida

I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted

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(970): View more from Colorado

What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."

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(520): View more from Arizona

drunkkkkk be here I heart you

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