then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
