It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
