Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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