I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
