dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
