and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Church boner. Awkwardddd
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
