The best revenge is premature balding
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
