His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
