i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
