I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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