dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am one with the molecules
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
