His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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