No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
