If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
