I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
