we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
whose parrot is this?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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