I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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