In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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