So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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