How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize