I hate your face
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
