im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
