I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
