You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
