Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
