We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
