i need an iv and a liver transplant
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
